i don't like one of my boyfriend's female friends

Why's that matter? Dont Like Your Friends Partner by Andrea Thorp Apr 23, 2023 iStock/jacoblund Having a boyfriend who has close female friends can get really tricky. 1 Take A Step Back Shutterstock If your partner's friends are making you feel uncomfortable, it's not a bad idea to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation. Is there any potential negative effect of adding something to the PATH variable that is not yet installed on the system? Invite her to have brunch or dinner with you. So, when our boyfriends female friend is too close, what can we do? Think about what your actual goal for the conversation is. I may have got it wrong, but if you say he gets defensive straight away, and you feel it's an issue worth asking external advice on, then you perhaps both know deep down this is the situation you are facing. You don't go two years into a relationship to get magically blindsided by how they interact with friends of the gender that they're sexually attracted to. Before I answer the question directly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through and how you might be feeling. As an example of why I feel this way, when she first started working with him, I didn't find out until he took me out to lunch with him and she was in his lunch group. For example, instead of forbidding a close friend of mine to sleep in the same room as me my wife plainly stated the boundary that I should not share a bed with this friend (which was anyway not our intention). Which is shitty because it shouldn't be so hard for men to open up to each other but according to all my guy friends? Only yourself. Disclosing my past relationships to my girlfriend. 1. Well, its all about getting to the source of the dislike. by Andrea Thorp Apr 23, 2023 iStock/jacoblund Having a boyfriend who has close female friends can get really tricky. Im not sure how I should handle this because I do have toxic controlling behaviors and I dont want to be. That is the 2nd wall you've been running into. As long as it does not impact you personally, i.e., as long as he spends as much time with you as you need, it should not matter how he spends the rest of him time, surely? The speaker is taking ownership for their feelings and is talking about, not demanding, a particular solution. It might be beneficial to reframe the conversation to be about finding a way to feel secure, with boundaries as a potential solution, rather than having your only goal being creating boundaries. Science fiction short story, possibly titled "Hop for Pop," about life ending at age 30. Do you not see that you are in fact hurting her?" Friends Don't Like Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. Commercial operation certificate requirement outside air transportation, Accidentally put regular gas in Infiniti G37. What Happens If Your Friends Don't Like Your Partner? I've been in that situation (i.e. Dont Trust Your Partners Friends Personally I have many female friends and sometimes prefer to hang out with them for many of the reasons already posted above. Once you start accepting that you are perfect just the way you are then you stop looking to external validations as a substitute (such as success in a relationship) and stop feeling threatened by things which threaten these flimsy substitutes (such as your partner being close to other women) and stop trying to control things you have no place controlling (such as placing boundaries on another conscious being's rights). It is very very hard but it's much easier with girls. As an example of why I feel this way, when she first started working with him, I didn't find out until he took me out to lunch with him and she was in his lunch group. Before you can get to a solution, however, you first need to identify what it is about your SO's friends that you don't trust. The relationship you want is between you and your boyfriend. 1. Is it to have a confrontation with your boyfriend, or do you want to not feel insecure about their female friends? Describe this to him as sweetly and kindly as you can, and truly express how this is making you sad. It will make your partner feel more at ease if they get a chance to interact with that person too. WebShe doesnt need to say she doesnt like you if she says she wont go out in any group youre in. EDIT Thank you for your well considered responses. tl;dr - I can't stand my boyfriend's relationship with his female friend. Can you explain why you think that? My guess is that he's the kind of man who connects well with women on an emotional and intellectual level, and if he still seeks that out despite having you in his life (yes, you: the woman he is making himself be monogamous with despite probably not being that way inclined and having a multitude of other openings available) it means he is not getting that from you. I hope you'll consider these more abstract aspects when you're facing this very concrete problem. That is not something that you want. WebAnswer (1 of 9): Well technically his job detail as a boyfriend doesnt consist of him liking or not liking any of your male friends. I assume it is pretty clear that there are implicit boundaries (e.g. When I've talked to my partners about my insecurities regarding their other relationships I've found that this is helpful to me since sometimes all I need is for my partner to acknowledge and empathize with how I'm feeling. Get too soft, too emotional, too vulnerable, too close, and you could be considered "feminine" or "gay" - the ultimate transgressions against traditional masculinity. Now, of course, thats not the case of every man! Would you mind the same if they were male friends? Otherwise, you may consider another approach. As a last word, keep in mind the old phrase "Relationships come and go, but friends are forever." I just don't do the usual boy behaviour - I don't like to drink, to brag, talk shit, all that stuff. I know men always say "oh I just connect more with girls", on the surface that's why, but there's a deeper reason than that. What To Do When Your Boyfriend's Female Friend Is Too Close I dont like one of my boyfriends friends He either hit on your girlfriends when you were off grabbing hors d'oeuvres, or you saw him but you dismissed his "friendly joking" as a nervous gesture. Obviously you cannot expect your boyfriend to never feel romantic attraction to any woman other than you, like it would be unrealistic to expect someone to never feel appetite while grocery shopping. If you dont have a good amount of trust in your partner already, none of these tips will work. It seems no matter where he goes or what he does he's always befriending more girls. Should we share our discomfort with our man? So you believe two random women who've told you bullshit instead of your boyfriend? And that's what matters. That sucks a big one because changing oneself is a much much harder thing to do than agreeing on phone calls and meeting times. You can't argue with him and win logically because he had justified the existence of the girls in his mind already. Let me assure you that it did not work as intended. After all that time, she knows that there is no sex or particular emotions involved. He makes no effort to remember their names, only talks to you the entire night, and seemsreally bored overall. My Whatever the case, don't let your friends get away with making fun of his flamboyancy, especially if you and your guy have already hashed out that he's often mistaken for being gay, but he's sure he's not. Its more of just the feeling behind those arguments. The socialization is still there - the pressure of manhood behavior expectations exist even in close relationships, even if a given friend unit give that expectation the bird and share their souls to each other on the regular. TLDR: boyfriend is very physically intimate with female friend which makes me uncomfortable. I dont like my boyfriends friends The problem isn't the thunder and the solution would not be to do something about thunder. Never had anyone not like it or said anything but I have a feeling that if OTHER guys had done the same thing, they (the girls) wouldn't be happy about it. 2 Find Something Good About Them As long as your friend isn't in a toxic or abusive relationship, try to give your friend's partner the benefit of the doubt. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Should we put our foot down and say in no uncertain terms that we wont tolerate this? Agree to Disagree. TLDR: boyfriend is very physically intimate with female friend which makes me uncomfortable. Are your friends unsupportive?Was everyone in a bad mood?Or was your boyfriend just not that impressive? You say he has many close female friends. Why? i dont like my boyfriends female friend : r/relationship_advice It hasn't always been that way but that is how it is now. There was no way whatsoever that this kind of discussion would have any positive effect for her. Im also stalking her on social media PLEASE HELP. Shes a mean girl, straight up. Otherwise one partner feels like they're getting the raw end of the deal. It seems to me like the conversation is more about trying to get him to establish some boundaries with his friends. My wife feels the same way when she hangs out with some of her female friends. I am just protective of my bf and don't want him being friends with other girls, I feel Your partner's friends are likely important to them, and they're not going to just drop them because you don't like them. He either hit on your girlfriends when you were off grabbing hors d'oeuvres, or you saw him but you dismissed his "friendly joking" as a nervous gesture. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. My boyfriends relationship with his female friend feels It hasnt worked out well and only resulted in more arguments so I feel like at this point I need to go to him with a solution in mind. If you can't see eye-to-eye with their friends, agree to I only kept REAL female friends (unfortunately, they were still too good looking for my then-gf taste), but they had bfs and/or is not in the city so she was finally ok with the ones I kept. Sure. One of the ways to deal with your boyfriends female 9 Signs Your Boyfriend is Totally Wrong for You wat do? WebWhat Do You Do When Your Partner Has a Lot of Female Friends and Youre Not Sure If You Should Be Worried or Not? Approach a coworker-friend about being nicer to his friends. Focus not so much on "avoid situations in which things which you can not accept could happen" but focus on what you consider to be such things. dont like my boyfriends female friend He recently disregarded my feelings about her to run an errand for her when he was advised not to even by other friends. There is no requirement in relationships that one set of You are bigger than those norms are and I think you know that because you seem very aware that your jealousy-based anxieties don't make sense completely logical sense. It doesn't matter if I internally justify it and tell myself "these are just my friends". One of the ways to deal with your boyfriends female friends is to become their ally. Don't Like Well, its all about getting to the source of the dislike. How can I talk to my boyfriend about how often he looks at girls online around me? by koronokori I really dont like my boyfriends female friend. How can I talk to my boyfriend about him keeping things of his exes? Python zip magic for classes instead of tuples. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. You have to see it simple: If you boyfriends wants to lie to you, he will. That's 100% irrational. Some of us guys actually prefer female friends. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be hurt or concerned but what I'm saying is that you can't negotiate the boundaries that other people have between each other. By denise ngo Written on Mar 15, 2022. Much of what typical men do makes me cringe. two - approach the matter in an open-ended matter. You should not. Shes a mean girl, straight up. Weve been dating for almost 4 years. I'm not just being jealous or something, his female friends seem to genuinely dislike me. And actually, there's the interest thing (pottery guy) but if you have a circumstances like this where no matter what, it seems to keep happening, sometimes there's a more psychosocial reason. Sometimes the conclusions of these conversations include establishing boundaries with our friends. But since you can't fix the world right now, if that is the source of your current problem, then your solutions become about acceptance and changing perspective and shifting your attitude and understanding. The incomparable Tony Porter founder and CEO of A Call To Men, an sexual violence education and prevention organization focuses on healthy manhood specifically dealing with countering negative outcomes in the current socialization of boys in terms of respect, emotionality, understanding and understanding of the culture, deconstructs how the threat of being "girly" is used as a weapon against young men and how it represses their ability to connect with each other in his talks very simply. I didn't say they're not people with personalities, I didn't even say that I think he would cheat on me. Which is exactly what you said you want to avoid. Your boyfriend already knows how you feel about their friends. You will absolutely for 100% do more, much more, damage to your relationship if you try to isolate him from his friends. Or maybe we should play the cool girl and pretend everythings ok? Or maybe we should play the cool girl and If you can't see eye-to-eye with their friends, agree to tl;dr - I can't stand my boyfriend's relationship with his female friend. If you cannot trust him to respect this particular boundary on his own, then certainly there is no way you can talk to him to make him do so. If it's okay for a man to connect with women, why shouldn't he create friendships with them out of those connections? I dont like one of my boyfriends friends Being around him is never fun. Why? She had lived through WW2 and thunder reminded her of bombs. 1 Take A Step Back Shutterstock If your partner's friends are making you feel uncomfortable, it's not a bad idea to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation. What Instagram's Threads app gets right and wrong as a Twitter I know that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose, but I can't help but be afraid that he'll unknowingly cross some emotional line and become too close to them. Should we put our foot down and say in no uncertain terms that we wont tolerate this? @XtremeBaumer Its not that he uses the same exact arguments, though he does in some cases. tl;dr - I can't stand my boyfriend's relationship with his female friend. Should we share our discomfort with our man? They think he's gay. Denise Ngo is a freelance writer and editor who specializes in pop culture, fashion, science, faith, and relationship writing. Web1 Become Allies A major reason why you are jealous over his female friends is that you fear he will leave you for one of them. It seems to me that what you really want is to not feel insecure about your partner crossing emotional lines with their friends and hurting you. If you can't truly feel these two points, it will be difficult, but you can try to fake them. chances are you may have to face the fact that he is a man who is more comfortable with female friends because of the reality in which we live. If you can change your mind to not want a specific solution but simply any solution that will make you feel good and happy, you will have a higher chance of success. And wherever that line is, you can't ask him not to cross it- all you can do is make a decision about the relationship if he crosses it. There's other couples that try to prevent certain behavior, check phones, ask questions, ask the people that went questions and basically turn into private detectives investigating their own partner. During the last two years Ive tried to take a similar approach with the solution youre suggesting about finding a way to be more secure and the boundaries as just an extra. WebI dont like my boyfriends friends. Well, its all about getting to the source of the dislike. So what I perceive as hurting someone is not the same as from that person's point of view, THIS IS THE KEY POINT to communicate to your bf as well. Despite your trusted boyfriend telling you it's all lies. At least he cares about your life outside of the relationship, right? Tell your BF that you feel terrible about it, after you understood that it is, in fact, not his behaviour that bothers you, but your emotions about his behaviour. boyfriend The bad: He connects with other women more fluidly than he does with you, and that's because you have fundamentally different views on life. While I did enjoy a strong bond with the girls and I don't want to give that up, I didn't think about WHY? You cannot. WebI get along with other female friends of my bf and genuinely like them. RELATED: How I Rebuilt My Entire Life After My Husband Left Me For My Friend. Cillian Murphy on Oppenheimer, sex scenes and self-doubt: Im @sphennings What I am saying is what I wrote. What should a girl do if her boyfriend doesn't like one of her guy Your own parents? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Talking to boyfriend about his close female friends, Starting the Prompt Design Site: A New Home in our Stack Exchange Neighborhood. That is the only way you can "successfully have a productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately getting defensive". 8 Things To Do If You Dont Like Your Friends Partner Spying on a smartphone remotely by the authorities: feasibility and operation. Of course, the only sustainable solution to all this is for you to become such a woman yourself. WebTLDR: boyfriend is very physically intimate with female friend which makes me uncomfortable. and our Since he has close feelings for you, this may come naturally for him. Are you sure this isn't rather an intrapersonal topic for you dealing with feelings and/or jealousy? This being said I personally don't think that establishing boundaries is your actual goal. How to communicate to someone that I want to keep a relationship casual? One of my boyfriend's female friends How you achieve that - that would be a topic for another question. I understand for every level that my SO could feel uneasy, and I am willing to respect that, but if SO says "drinking tea is leading to potentially compromising situation" she would be questioning my own ability to control myself and stop at what is really a problem. My literal defense to her was "I knew them for a long time, we have a friendly bond that's non-sexual". Lexi although is an exception. Go ahead and chalk up his efforts to nervousness. Everything else is, well just normal human interaction on different levels of emotional attachment. Even though you took their advice to date somebody different, you can't blame people for being surprised that you're dating an angsty musician when the last five boyfriends you introduced them to were outgoing athletes. Friends Don't Like "I Don't Like My Boyfriend's Friends" Experts Say To Do This This sympathy and compassion for you may then naturally inspire him to change his ways, without you having to "confront" him at all. Are one-on-one drinks off limits for instance? Before you can get to a solution, however, you first need to identify what it is about your SO's friends that you don't trust. My boyfriends That was the train of thought that got me to stop. It's hard for them to not jump to conclusions when you have a Master's degree and are earning a nice salary, while he's an aimless-yet-cute "aspiring novelist" who lives with his mom. When are complicated trig functions used? I Don't Like My Boyfriend's Friends Friends Don't Like I dont like watching myself its like, Oh, fucking hell but its an extraordinary piece of work. 7 Ways to Deal when It Comes to Your Boyfriend's Female Friends 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. You might as well tell him to shield his eyes when he goes to the coffee shop because he may become smitten at first sight with the barista- that happens for people all the time, though usually not for people in committed relationships. Good for him. the two drinking a cup of tea privately and talking for a few hours until 3am. However this conversation turns out, even if it seems like it went smoothly, you're likely to find that you're not going to convince him to change his personality and the way he conducts himself with his friends. But I only have sex with female friends when I am single, I would never knowingly hurt anyone close to me (like a current gf). I know that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose, but I can't help but be afraid that he'll unknowingly cross some emotional line and become too close to them. Cillian Murphy on Oppenheimer, sex scenes and self-doubt: Im To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. This segues well into my second point. That's way more than I've seen people react to this sort of thing and considering the fact that you WERE yelling at him and now have moved forward to I statements and changing your own behavior, there is a very real possibility that you and your relationship are both having awful growing pains against the bounds of the existing very small heteronormative box of what you think interpersonal relationships should look like between men and women. In the first case the conversation will lead to nothing. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! What Instagram's Threads app gets right and wrong as a Twitter My main issue is with these sentences. Im dating my boyfriend of a year now, and to give you some context, we are both crazy for each other, he respects me, he does everything to make me happy, and Im trying to do the same as well. He'll use arguments scarily similar to the ones being made in this question (though not nearly to that extent). Only stresses the point. Your Boyfriend's Female Friends How could I get him to stop being friends with them? This may also involve expectations about communicating changes of feeling that are recognized as being of more than transitory nature. Be clear that they are triggered by his actions, but not caused. 5 Harsh Signs He's A Womanizer And Won't Stop, 8 Things Women Only Do With The Men They Love, I Don't Know What I Did To Deserve Your Love, Ultimately, it's not a dealbreaker if a guy isn't in love with your friends, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 7 Unsexy Habits That Demolish Your Likeability, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive. Trust your boyfriend. WebAnswer (1 of 9): Well technically his job detail as a boyfriend doesnt consist of him liking or not liking any of your male friends. That is an important point to lead with - if you talk about the problem being in you, not in him, you can prevent the defensive reaction because you don't give it any ground. He could well be physically faithful to you all the way (so you might get your boundaries and he may well stick to them). I believe, from your description, that you already did - you told him, he got defensive; but he does know how you feel. Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. 1. You've already had conversations like this before. Gift. One friend called him my exs nametwice. 15amp 120v adaptor plug for old 6-20 250v receptacle? As I read it, your concerns seem to be that he will become too emotionally close with a female friend, and also that he places himself in potentially compromising situations with female friends that are not strictly related to emotional closeness (I don't see that being in an apartment alone together is more risky than, say, talking on the phone a lot). But this is what I would try first. Is it wrong? It may increase it, what do we know (the "forbidden fruit", together with his resentment lowering your importance in his mind). How can I remove a mystery pipe in basement wall and floor? How does that work with common default boundaries like not having sexual relations with anyone else?

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