defensive employee behavior

Check in on the action plan and make sure that you catch them being good and let the employee know that you noticed that they are working on improving. Most employees want to improve and though dont like hearing it, are open to moving forward with the change. The problem comes when they push back and do not accept the criticism. How to Deal With Defensive Employee Behavior | Bizfluent More often than not, defensive behavior is a reaction based in the most basic animal functions: protect and survive. Once you finish, be sure to return to the conversation. if(currentUrl.indexOf("/about-shrm/pages/shrm-china.aspx") > -1) { Please note that all such forms and policies should be reviewed by your legal counsel for compliance with applicable law, and should be modified to suit your organizations culture, industry, and practices. It is essential to consider what the employee feels and spend some time wondering how you would respond to the feedback as well. As Castelda describes, "The defensive person is like Teflon it's never his responsibility and he attempts to shift the ownership of blame on someone else.". An example of a low-stakes conflict may be leaving dirty dishes on the counter or listening to the TV at a loud volume while the other person is trying to study for a test. ", "I see this as your responsibility let's talk about why you don't see it this way. They are going to argue, contradict facts, and point the finger at others. Says Castelda, "I've rarely met someone who didn't want to be successful, and giving feedback is an essential part of that. When people talk defensively, it can be difficult to have a relationship with them. The solutions, thankfully, are the same. Breath 2: Acknowledge your second reaction, but don't give in to it (which is usually to retaliate against the other person). Instead, try phrasing everything gently. Remember, its important to keep your feedback genuine. The most common physiological signs and symptoms of defensive behavior are elevated heart rate, flushed skin, pupil dilation, perspiration, changes in vocal tone, changes in vocal volume, clenched jaw, clenched fist, trouble finding words, sudden silence, shutting down, leaving the room, justification of behavior, an exhibition of red herring arguments, etc. Ask them if they are open to hearing how they can change some areas of their performance and wait for their reply. Employees can have good performance,though their behaviors create tension for you and others on your team. Amy Jen Su is a co-founder and managing partner of Paravis Partners, a boutique executive coaching and leadership development firm. While it's important to focus on issues that concern you, don't enumerate a long list. However, when it comes to one of my employees, Terry, I cant seem to get through. There's no denying that performance review season can be a headache for managers. If you're looking for counseling individually or as a couple, options may be available in your area. I understand this is difficult for you. Keep the meeting on track by assuring them that you will discuss their issue later or take it offline (and remember to do it!). First, consider adjusting their job responsibilities to make better use of their strengths. When you speak with a defensive person, indicate to them you want to discuss areas you feel they excel and areas that need improvement. And how you plan to say it When it comes to. Instead, they perceive it as a full-fledged attack, triggering their fight-or-flight response. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. Hes a great worker but I need to be able to give him constructive criticism so he can improve as he goes along. Always pull the employee aside to address the issue. Again, let them know that their performance is good and the reasons why. You must assure the employee that they do have a place in this company and offer up positive feedback to them. Read more on how to adjust your approach for an employee that lacks self awareness. This is how to give critiques to the individual when you are in a group. A rattlesnake will strike for two reasons. If none of these tactics work, it might be time for the person to move on. Other tips include: Deliver the feedback at the end of the day so the person can go home afterward. An effective performance review isn't meant to change a worker's basic personality. For this reason, opening up about your emotions can be essential. This decision can range from adjusting their position and responsibilities or letting them go completely. What Is Superstitious Behavior & Can It Be A Problem? Since we are all human, they are bound to make a mistake. Describing problems using "I" statements highlighting your point of view could make feedback seem less accusatory than "you" statements. If they have deep technical expertise but lack management skills, for example, try putting them into a subject-matter-expert role. Clearly, this direct report has had some bad moments in the past and its made him wary of being seen as inadequate. If they do it again, off they go. How to Give Feedback to People Who Cry, Yell, or Get Defensive - SHRM Go in with the frame of mind that most people want to change, they are just resistant to hearing negative feedback. Respond in a calm tone and be respectful of how the employee may be feeling. Instead, your first impulse may be to defend yourself, or you may try to turn the tables by pointing out flaws in the other person's behavior. If you have noticed defensiveness in your relationships, it might be necessary to talk to the person about low stakes conflicts you've had and attempt to start a conversation around your feelings without attacking them. Assigning them to blame for their defensiveness is akin to blaming someone for laughing when we tickle them. The main reasons for defensive behavior are emotions, tenure, power, prestige, and self-preservation. Start by pulling the defensive employee aside for a meaningful but private conversation. 2. It can take time, patience, and practice to change lifelong emotional habits that we've used to survive difficult situations. For example, maybe they used to be with a partner who critiqued their driving skills aggressively. Managing defensive behavior is infinitely easier and more effective if theyre no longer defensive. Try asking, "I see where you might be coming from. Start by increasing your own self-awareness: How do you react when another person has an emotional reaction? Still not getting anywhere because they are in constant denial their behavior is a problem? The main reason is that different people exhibit defensive behavior differently. Conversely, if you must discuss behavioral problems, explain how the employee's conduct has affected his co-workers, and outline your recommended methods for avoiding similar problems in the future. The goal is to diffuse the emotional reaction so that you can productively give the feedback and, together, come up with ideas and actions to ensure the person's success. How to Deal With a Defensive Employee When Addressing - Work If you make a suggestion while driving, your partner might feel defensive due to their experience. Here is how to give feedback to a defensive employee so that they will listen. Option 2: They stick to their guns and say they will behave the same way or make the same choice. By the end of the conversation, it is possible that no one feels heard and a misunderstanding could have occurred. Defensive behavior is when an employee detects a threat, like a critique of their work. Just as there are physiological signs and symptoms to recognize that the person you are communicating with is exhibiting defensiveness, there are simple behaviors that you can do to alleviate the feeling of being attacked. Understanding Defensiveness As A Coping Skill | BetterHelp Addressing the emotional reaction shouldn't shortchange the other parts of an effective feedback conversation, including: sharing the why, naming the issue clearly, offering examples, listening and hearing the other person out, and coming to a shared agreement on next steps and actions. Its a start to getting their buy into owning their performance. 9 Common Reasons For Intense Emotions, I Don't Want To Do Anything: Why You Might Feel This Way And How To Cope, Placing the blame on another person ("they wouldn't act like "that" if you didn't do "this" ), Nitpicking or debating a person's point-of-view, Getting stuck on the details versus the big picture of a conflict, Making excuses using language that reflects a lack of agency ("I couldn't help it"), Denial:Refusing to see your responsibility or that a problem exists at all, Projection:Attributing your thoughts and feelings to another person ("I'm not angry, you're angry"), Acting out:Having an overblown response (like breaking something or yelling) instead of expressing your emotions with kind words, Rationalization:Bending the truth to justify your behavior, Displacement:Taking out your frustration from another problem on someone not involved (getting in a fight with your partner because of trouble at work), Intellectualizing:Only focusing on the facts of a situation while ignoring their emotional significance. Try and create a non-threatening environment for them. The person needs to hear the message as kindly and as empathetically as possible, but the message is the message. Defensive behavior can be a common coping mechanism for many to defend oneself from perceived or actual threats. Respond in a calm tone and be respectful of how the employee may be feeling. "My experience with Billie has been outstanding. Breath 1: Acknowledge your first reaction, but don't give in to it (usually to defend yourself from the perceived attack). There are times where you will need to give feedback in the moment, but feedback with a defensive employee should be one on one. Your goal is not to attack, and if your behavior is being misinterpreted as an attack, apologize for that impact and clarify what your goals truly are. When someone is in a state of defensiveness, they are unlikely to process your critiques in a productive way. A workplace run by AI is not a futuristic concept. Controlling the interaction. What can I do to help you receive feedback with more openness? I listen, I conduct one-on-ones, and I care about my team as individuals. Improve your learning retention and content application by delivering support and reinforcement programs in manageable bites (using blogs, chatbots, Teams/Slack, and email). If passive-aggressive people claim that they are "fine" when their behavior suggests otherwise, don't accept their answers at face value.

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